Many guys learning to improve their social and seduction skills actually ruin their chances by making the wrong approaches. Some types of approaches are doomed from the start and do nothing but demonstrate your lack of social intelligence to every woman in the room. This short video, with my 2 girlfriends and Female Trainers, runs you through a couple of approaches you should learn to avoid.

TRANSCRIPT

James: I personally would not do an approach unless I saw a way I could sit and talk on their level. One thing you’ll see a lot of guys do is:

*James approaches Rebecca and Lisa, who are seated, and standing in front of them says “Hey, how you guys doing?”*

James: Standing up, weirding them out, just weirding them out.

Rebecca: It’s weird.

James: If I’m Brad Pitt and I’ve got my Oscar with me, I can probably talk to them for about 5 minutes like this before I weird them out. If I’m any other guy, forget it. I know Brad Pitt hasn’t won an Oscar but anyway. Can’t do it.

James: Another thing that you’ll often see is guys doing this:

 *James approaches Rebecca and Lisa and crouches next to them* 

James: Women have a word for guys like this: loser. You just can’t do this, I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter how good looking you are. Look, they’re looking down at me with contempt,  like a dog or something, as if I’m about to kiss their feet. So you’ve got to figure out before you approach a girl where you’re going to take it. I’ve walked into the other bar and I’ve picked up a chair and brought it over. That’s projecting a lot of interest, I’d only ever do that on a Bootcamp. If you can’t find a way to sit down on their level then you should probably talk to some other girls and just keep an eye on them for later. Does that make sense?

James shares the questions he asks women in bars. The key is to lead the conversation to things you want the girl to talk about/you are interested in. If you can’t connect on at least 1 common interest, move on!

TRANSCRIPT

James: Building attraction, demonstrating value, you know, banter, fueling a conversation. My way to do that is to approach confidently and start the girl talking about stuff you’re interested in. 

When I first met Rebecca about 2 oclock in the morning at a bar in Sydney when I was coaching, within about 90 seconds- cute girl, lots of cute girls, its loud- I straight away asked her about books “What was the last great book you read?”. Now a lot of girls if you ask them that in a bar they think you’re weird, but they’re probably the girls I don’t want to sleep with. 

So I lead with stuff I want the girls to talk about. Does that make sense? So, I know its a lot different to what a lot of other guys teach but I’ve got 8 or 9 students here, I think they all use it. The girl’s usually really impressed because some guy’s actually taking it somewhere and trying to build a good conversation. 

If you’re interested in books or fitness or something and the girls you’re talking to aren’t necessarily that interested in it, its good to go “Hey, what’s a great book you read? Oh, oh, ok. Well, you just stay fit”. If you don’t get a good connection on 2 or 3 of your main interests then this probably isn’t the right girl for you. So what do you do? You move on and talk to another girl.

Quiz question: how many pussies are there in the world? 

Guy: 3000 million?

James: Probably at the end of the year, so you win. Theres 3 and a half billion pussies in the world. Why would you sit and worry about one when there’s so many out there- and we’re just in Australia, I mean go to Russia or South America, I mean the girls there are insane. So yeah, this idea about getting hung up on one girl or one girl rejected me or one girl broke my heart, there’s 3 and a half billion other ones, don’t worry, plenty more.

James with his two girlfriends, and lovely Female Trainers, Rebecca and Georgia discuss why is it so important to be a man and take what you want from life. Which includes approaching women.

Your action, or inaction, can have far reaching consequences for your success in life and overall happiness.

TRANSCRIPT

James: There’s 3 points, but I just want to make a very important point. There’s two guys. This is guy one: now, he sees Rebecca and he think she’s cute, she actually looks over and he’s like “oh man that girl’s cute. Do you think she’s looking at me? Oh yeah, look at those lips. Do you think I should talk to her? Is that her boyfriend over there? Wait, I’ll just grab a drink first. Ok. Shit, the girl she’s with is f***ing hot. Ok, I gotta do it, I gotta do it. I’m not standing here all night getting drunk”. ok, versus- and eventually he goes up he’s “hey how you doing? Um, I like your shoes. Um what happened to your foot? What happened to your foot? Did you graze it?” 

Rebecca: “No.” 

James: “Do you like furniture?”

Ok, that guy versus this guy: 

*Saying to imaginary friend* “see you in a bit mate” 

*Approaches Rebecca and shakes her hand* “Hey, my name’s Jamie”

Rebecca: Rebecca 

James: *sitting down* “Hey Rebecca.”

Ok, now women don’t like to initiate sex. What’s going to have to happen for her to have sex – women want sex by the way, probably more than men – what’s going to have to happen for her to have sex with the first guy?

Guy in audience: She’s going to have to lead.

Jamie: She’s going to have to do the whole f***ing thing herself! She’ll feel like a slut or she’ll feel like she’s not attractive.

Now lets get much more serious. She has kids with the first guy because he’s sweet and they have lots of interests. And in 15 years time they have kids and their son is nine and he’s at the local primary school and some older kids went and beat him up, and he’s got a broken nose. He comes home, its three thirty and Rebecca’s there dealing with their son with a broken nose. 

She’s in tears and she calls up her husband – the guy one who sort of looked and eventually made it over there somehow – *imitating Rebecca on the phone* “Jamie, Jamie! Johnny’s got a broken nose at school! I don’t know what to do, the headmaster’s not being fair, he said its your problem! The school’s not going to tell us anything. I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do, it’s bleeding! Its not fair!” and guy number one’s like “oh darling, thats terrible. The violence these days, the TV we get from America, it’s terrible. I’m sorry. I’d love to come down there but I’ve got a sales meeting at four then I’m seeing that client Johnson, that big account I was talking about at four thirty. If its not resolved tomorrow I’ll come down and talk to the principal, ok? I’m sure you can handle it dear I’ve really got to go, I’ve got a meeting, bye.” That’s guy number one, the guy who was too much of a f***ing wuss to go over and talk to her.

Guy number two gets that same phone call *imitating Rebecca on the phone* “son’s got a broken nose, its those boys the Madison’s from 4 streets up who hit him again!” Guy number two – who saw her and went over and talked to her, and took action and took what he wanted from life – he’s like “what? They broke his nose?! Those Madison kids?!” He’s straight down to the primary school sorting it out, dealing with it.

The guy who’s a wuss, who cant even walk over to some 60 or 59 kilo woman in a short black dress and say hello to her, what chance has he got to get promotions? What chance has he got to make money? What chance has he got to buy her a house in a nice suburb? None. Zero. Nothing. 

Now, we all know that’s not true. This guy *indicating guy number one* could be scared of approaching women but be able to kill any man in a 100km radius, but he’s scared of women, so women are deciding in their mind that “he’s a wuss and he’ll never amount to anything, cause he can’t walk up and talk to me in a bar”, whereas another guy, who might have nothing going for him and he worked as a barman when he was 18, and he figured out how to fuck chicks, he’s straight up and talking to her. Now, *indicating guy number 1* this guy’s got an engineering degree and an MBA and makes a quarter of a million a year and he can kill anyone in a 100km radius. This guy *indicating guy number 2* is a complete f***ing asshole who’s lucky to work in a bar, but she goes with the complete f***ing asshole who understands women. Does that make sense? 

I’m not teaching you how to get your end in, I’m hopefully teaching you how to be better fathers, fill your lives with women who are wonderful. And everything that happens, women decide based on the first – particularly beautiful women – they decide straight away whether your the wuss who leaves her to sort out the shit at the primary school, leaving a woman to do a man’s work – I shouldn’t have said that, anyway – or the guy who takes action, takes what he wants from life and makes things happen, isn’t afraid of failure. Does that make sense? Very important.

I’ve travelled for years and I haven’t eaten at home and cooked for a long time. I know when I go to restaurants if its not in a prime location, the staff aren’t particularly attractive, its full at dinner time and its full of people of the ethnicity of the cuisine, I’m probably going to get a good meal. I didn’t work this out logically, I just knew from lots and lots and lots and lots of different experiences this is they way it is. If I go – and I’m wrong sometimes – if I go to a place in a shopping centre or connected to a hotel or in a prime location, I’m either going to get not that good food or pay too much. Now sometimes I’m wrong, often I’m wrong – there’s a great Thai restaurant , fantastic Thai restaurant for 10 bucks in the Entertainment Centre – but I’ve got this set of rules that work for me most of the time.

These two girls, whether they realise it or not, have a set of rules, and they’re looking at your shoes, you know, they’ve decided who they’re going to talk to before they start. Every girl’s going to talk to him, most girls will talk to him. I’m not going to say who’s good or bad, but you know, I can take a guy, take him to Myers, David Jones, and I can take him from a six to a nine in many cases, just by the way you present yourself. So, attractive women, all women, have a set of rules they apply and if you keep to them you get 5 minutes and you have a much better chance of getting a date, and obviously you can’t get sex without dates, but you’ve just got to keep to these rules. So yeah, having the skills and courage to go over and take action and take what you want from life.