Note: This was first published on the Charisma Arts website on April 9 2007 and has received far more “this changed my life” comments than anything else I’ve ever written. This stuff works. The best way to get an attractive woman into bed is to take charge and act like a man while you connect with her on interests you have in common.

Do you sometimes think you are just not attractive or interesting enough for the women you want in your life? Is this why you sometimes suffer from fears and anxieties about talking to, meeting and interacting with women?

Why not do something about it? Please don’t spend too much of your precious life in front of your big screen TV watching other people pretending to live. Try to stop hiding the real you behind drugs or alcohol when you do venture out.

Go out into the real world and do something to make you a more interesting, attractive and desirable person.

1. Travel

Especially outside of the developed countries. I mean travel, not just sightseeing, relaxing or partying. Try to do more than just go to a beautiful beach, hotel, bus tour or ski-fields and get drunk – although that is probably way better than nothing. Travel opens up your mind like nothing else I know about. How often do you meet a well-traveled person who is racist or homophobic, intolerant or hateful of other human beings or their cultures? How often do you meet a well-traveled person who is just plain stupid? I don’t think I ever have. I’d suggest one year of real international travel will develop you more as a human being than any 4-year university degree I can name.

Travel by yourself. It can be tough at first, but it will build your social skills faster and stronger, than anything else – except maybe one of my Bootcamps! Oh and please, whatever you do in this life, do not kick the bucket until you have savoured a Latina, a Nordic and an Eastern European girlfriend.

2. Read Books

Literature, philosophy, modern bestsellers and prize winners or biographies of people you admire. Sample the classics. Try some new-age authors with spiritual undertones. Look at a list of the most popular books as voted by general readers. You don’t need to start with James Joyce. Ask beautiful, interesting girls what authors they enjoy reading, they will love to tell it if your are genuinely interested in books, some might even want to sleep with you soon afterwards. A part of my understanding of women comes from books given to me, or recommended, by women.

3. Massage Training

Many women will find a nice candlelit oil massage from you more romantic than the most expensive restaurant in town and she’s pretty damn near naked and longing for more of your touch at the end. The use of massage techniques are the most powerful escalation techniques I know, but NEVER EVER give her a massage expecting a direct trade for something else. She’ll feel manipulated and you’ll feel needy. Massage her because you like her and enjoy making her happy. The good stuff should come without you pushing hard for it. Massage also builds a wonderful, relaxed, calm and giving atmosphere. You will feel more loving and she will be far more warm and responsive. If you happen to be overly nervous about your first time with a new girl or worried about “getting it up”, starting with a loving massage will make things far easier for both of you. Don’t forget to ask for one back sometime…

Many guys learning to improve their social and seduction skills actually ruin their chances by making the wrong approaches. Some types of approaches are doomed from the start and do nothing but demonstrate your lack of social intelligence to every woman in the room. This short video, with my 2 girlfriends and Female Trainers, runs you through a couple of approaches you should learn to avoid.

TRANSCRIPT

James: I personally would not do an approach unless I saw a way I could sit and talk on their level. One thing you’ll see a lot of guys do is:

*James approaches Rebecca and Lisa, who are seated, and standing in front of them says “Hey, how you guys doing?”*

James: Standing up, weirding them out, just weirding them out.

Rebecca: It’s weird.

James: If I’m Brad Pitt and I’ve got my Oscar with me, I can probably talk to them for about 5 minutes like this before I weird them out. If I’m any other guy, forget it. I know Brad Pitt hasn’t won an Oscar but anyway. Can’t do it.

James: Another thing that you’ll often see is guys doing this:

 *James approaches Rebecca and Lisa and crouches next to them* 

James: Women have a word for guys like this: loser. You just can’t do this, I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter how good looking you are. Look, they’re looking down at me with contempt,  like a dog or something, as if I’m about to kiss their feet. So you’ve got to figure out before you approach a girl where you’re going to take it. I’ve walked into the other bar and I’ve picked up a chair and brought it over. That’s projecting a lot of interest, I’d only ever do that on a Bootcamp. If you can’t find a way to sit down on their level then you should probably talk to some other girls and just keep an eye on them for later. Does that make sense?

TRANSCRIPT

James speaking to Lisa: Could you sit and model with Rebecca a conversation you’d have if you were really into each other in the conversation and you don’t want to be disturbed?

*Lisa and Rebecca model this type of interaction*

James: Now, unless you’re a loser pick up artist with a stupid hat and a bag of lint in your pocket, don’t approach them. If you approach them unless you look like Brad Pitt you’re going to get rejected or they’re going to politely tell you to go away and every other girl in the room will think, “That guy’s got the social intelligence of a house brick”. Don’t approach them.

James speaking to Lisa and Rebecca: Now, could you model, “Are there any cute guys here?”. Could you please model that for me?

*Lisa and Rebecca model this type of interaction. James approaches jokingly, “Could I get a female opinion on something?”*

James: No, don’t do that. Um, you see the difference? Now, they’re two girls actually looking for an approach.

James speaking to Lisa and Rebecca: And, could you possibly do neutral? Like it a cute guy comes up you’ll talk to him but you’re not really there to meet men, you’re just talking to your friend.

*Lisa and Rebecca model this*

James: See what I mean? This one you can approach but you’ve got to do a good job. You’ve got to have quite a bit of energy and you’ve got to demonstrate early on that you’ve got something decent to say.The second one is probably quite easy. The first one; unless these girls are like 6′s and you’re a 10 it’s just not going to work. It might not even work then. You’re not going to get to talk to girls on your level if they are that involved in each other. This is, my whole Bootcamp is basically about social intelligence.

The most powerful, confident and sophisticated way to communicate romantic interest to a woman is just to shut up and hold her eye contact longer than is normally socially acceptable.

I hear so many theories and “techniques” about how to get a girl interested in you or how to trigger a great conversation or make an interaction sexual.

Some are OK, some just plain suck. But, I believe 80% of these techniques are pretty much useless for any guy who can already maintain confident (and then sexual) eye contact.

The biggest single chunk of time spent on our Bootcamps is used to teach clients precisely how to use eye contact and touch, in drills and exercises with our beautiful Female Trainers.

So, try this as an exercise: increase your eye contact in all conversations by 10%. Yes, even when you’re talking to men.

Let’s say you are currently holding eye contact about 30% of the time while talking directly to men and 40% of the time when you talk with women – which I’d guess this is about average for North Americans, Britsh and Australians.

Now, all you have to do is move that to 40% for the guys and 50% for the girls. Give this a go for the next week.

After 1 week of practice, anytime you speak to a woman you find attractivebump up the eye contact to 60%.

See if you notice a difference in women’s eagerness to hold a conversation with you. Some women may even start showing you romantic interest, even if you’ve done absolutely nothing at all to obviously hit on them. In fact, this happened to me just last night.

You see in “girl language” holding eye contact longer than is usually socially acceptable means “this guy is interested in me”.

If they choose to match your level of eye contact, then it’s possible they like you too and may be keen for you to ask them out at some point.

Anyway, another week later move your percentage eye contact held with women you find attractive to 70%.

Then to 80%.

If this is all going well then aim to reach 90-100% within a month.

Now, you might be scared of bad reactions. The great news is this “eye contact” method of communicating your sexual interest and attraction to women is virtually harmless.

You’ll be able to tell really quickly whether she’s reciprocating. And, lets face it ,what’s the worst thing that can happen to you?

She looks at her feet while you’re talking to her…

So what!? Just try again on the next attractive girl you come across! If for some crazy reason you’re still not getting any positive responses, maybe try dressing a little better and/or try to practice on slightly more average women.

Eye contact is arguably the most powerful social, romantic and sexual tool that exists. It is close to half of my total social, romantic and sexual arsenal. Same for many of my star students and virtually all the best ladies men I’ve met.

Take the time and effort to learn to use it well and you might not need that much else.

TRANSCRIPT

Question from audience: When do you tell them (women) that you’re not interested in a relationship?

James: The girls my disagree with me, but I don’t tell them at all. I wait until they ask me and then I’m like, “Oh God. Listen, there’s this girl Debbie who I see also. Um, do you like girls by any chance (jokingly)”. No, don’t do that.

*Audience laughs*

James: No, I’m just very honest. And like Rebecca said, I reiterate you’re beautiful, you’re intelligent, you’re funny, I have such a good time with you. I might do the , sort of, I’m just not a a place right now where I want a full time, serious girlfriend. There’s always an excuse; I’m working to hard, I’m studying to hard, I just got out of a relationship. Pick something that is true or at least has truth in it. But yeah, you stick your dick in a girl there is no implied contract of a relationship. And guys have to get that through their heads.